The pub or the yacht club bar is normally the place that jokes are shared. So I thought that we could share a few in here, but please keep them clean like the forum rules say there are children looking at this.
A blonde rings her boss and says “I won’t be in today, I’ve burnt my feet”.
The boss replies " How did you burn your feet?"
And the blonde replies" I was cooking spaghetti and the instructions said Stand in boiling water for ten minutes".
Two blondes were talking
One said to the other which is closer Melbourne or the Moon?.
The other replies can you see Melbourne?.
ok, there you go:
"Three blondes have just finished a puzzle so they decide to celebrate by going out. They walk into a bar chanting, “61 days 61 days!”
The bartender gets curious and walks over to them and asks, “Why are you chanting 61 days?”
One of the three answer, “Because the box said 3-6- years!” "
“Leech- A crewmember that never seems to have a dime when its time to pay for drinks or meals.
Luff- The Front part of a sail that everyone but the helmsman seems to pay attention to (see also Telltales)
Luff up- Something racers do to each other to catch the back of the fleet Head -(See Stern Pulpit)
Halyard- Something that only breaks or jams when you’re winning
Sheet- A line made to rip gloves or hands part. Has ability to tangle on anything.
Bow- The part of the boat that no one should have to work on. Temporary section of an offshore Catamaran
Backstay- The last thing to grab as your falling overboard
Stem Fitting- The hole made in a competitors boat when your helmsman misjudges a Port /Starboard crossing
Snatch Block-Men use to spend a lot of time at sea. They must have been shaped very differently in those days
Hatch- A hole to fall into
Companionway- Another name for a hole to fall into
Heave to-Newcomers quite often find themselves heaving too
Anchor- The thing rotting in the bilge of every racing yacht (unseen)
Sewerman- A sailor that has a fetish for wet soggy nylon
Foreguy-First guy to the bar
Afterguy-Last guy out of the bar
Lazy Guy-Most Yacht Racers when they’re not Racing (if this one offends you, please leave)
Winch- A thing you grind till it squeals
Wench- A thing you grind till it squeals
Keel- A very heavy depth sounder only used on Unamarans (monohulls)
Interior-A term not used in conjunction with racing yachts
Comfort- Another term not used in conjunction with racing yachts
Bunk- A small uncomfortable area for wet sailors to attempt sleep
Inside Overlap-The part of a race that resembles a political debate
Round Up-Easiest way to get the oncoming watch on deck
Round Down- A bad, bad thing for a bowman out on the spinnaker pole
Gybe Set- A great way to end up on Port Tack right in front of the whole
Fleet that’s approaching the mark on Starboard
Pop the Chute-The sound a Poly Chute makes just as it blows apart (see America One)
Cunningham- A Sly Pig or a complicated term for a downhaul
Tactician-A kind term for a Smart A#$ or Arrogant S#$ or Dumb A#$ or Lucky S#$
Helmsman-The nut attached to the rudder through a steering mechanism”
While he is enjoying his drink, a rusty shackle bumps into his bar stool and causes him spill. The Jib sheet gets pissed and before you know it he has challenged the shackle to a fight. The bartender, knowing how rough the rusty shackle is, tells them to take it outside. So they do.
A few minutes later the jib sheet walks back into the bar but the rusty shackle is nowhere to be seen. The jib sheet is in taters and all twisted up. He looks aweful.
The bartender looks at him and asks “Did you win?”
The jib sheet just looks at him and replies “I’m afraid not (a frayed knot)”